Here is a way an actual person decided to bat in a college game

Yu Darvish spotted taking notes, nodding thoughtfully

Aroldis Chapman allegedly trying to become CC Sabathia

...by eating 18 pastries before a game

Thanks to composite photography and SI's Extra Mustard blog, we have been able to approximate what this looks like:

Ok for real though, who threw that pizza at me

Remember when Prince Fielder hit an inside-the-park home run that one time

This is why a cup of beer should not be used to catch fly balls

Y'all suck at finding shit

Why Detroit's logo is just a letter D now

Because everyone in Detroit is apparently fucking terrible at drawing tigers, that's why.  Look how goddamn terrible these old logos are.  These are legitimately logos that someone looked at and was like "Yeah, let's go with THAT one."

Thanks, Cracked.

Scott Kazmir comeback train grinds to a screeching, predictable halt

Source

Prince Fielder slides home, continues sliding for several seconds due to laws of physics governing momentum and mass

Never has a player been so glad the ball did not get thrown to him in time to attempt a tag.

Behold: a photo from Yankee Stadium several hours before Opening Day oh wait just kidding it's actually the 9th inning of their first game

Not that us Red Sox fans can take immense pride in how great our fanbase is, but come on Yankees, this is abysmal.

AJ Burnett does not know his own strength

I am this excited for baseball

Now with GIFs!

Thanks to Joe for the gif link

Is the "AL scout" actually Brian Cashman?

Oh, so if Texas would give up one of their two elite infield prospects, the Yankees would consider trading a middle reliever?  Thanks for the analysis, Mr. "AL scout".

Taken from the Boston Globe

Mo Vaughn demonstrates the concept of lineup protection

Source: Notgraphs

Major League Baseball, Major League Excitement

Presented below are the official 2013 slogans for each MLB team--don't bother asking us where we got them because we'd just lie to you anyway.  Just over three weeks to Opening Day! 

MLB SLOGANS 2013

Seattle Mariners - Swept Out To Sea!

Texas Rangers - We Are Texas

Oakland Athletics - Everyone Please Be Safe

Los Angeles Angels - We Still Have Vernon!
*NOW UPDATED* - We Finally Got Rid Of Vernon!

Houston Astros - It Gets Worse

Cleveland Indians - A Big Professional Baseball Team

Kansas City Royals - Major League Moments

Chicago White Sox - Window's Closed, Door's Open

Minnesota Twins - Grapefruit League Champions, 2011

Detroit Tigers - We're Pr-r-r-r-r-r-retty Good!

New York Yankees - Let's Be Careful Out There*

Tampa Bay Rays - Apparently Money's Stronger Than Math

Toronto Blue Jays - Sorry For Any Inconvenience Caused

Baltimore Orioles - The Safer Camden!

Boston Red Sox - They Call Him John Lackey

San Diego Padres - Make Wins, Not WAR

Los Angeles Dodgers - Big Stars, Magic Nights

San Francisco Giants - Seriously, You Guys Let Us Win Again?

Arizona Diamondbacks - We Exist

Colorado Rockies - Peyton Manning! 

Chicago Cubs - There's Always Three Or Four Years From Now

St. Louis Cardinals - Cardinals Cardinals Cardinals Kill Kill Kill

Pittsburgh Pirates - McCutch Ya at the Game!

Cincinnati Reds - Everyone Loves A Red

Milwaukee Brewers - Win Or Lose, There's Always Beer

New York Mets - ted still needs to submit this make sure this doesn't get printed

Washington Nationals - Barack Obama Is So Cool

Philadelphia Phillies - Fuck Us! No, Fuck You! Fuck!

Atlanta Braves - Yeah, Still Doing That

Miami Marlins - Estamos Fiesta Pescadores

BONUS LIGHTNING ROUND

Montreal Expos -  Mes Amis, Nous Avons Encore Tant De Boites De Chapeaux Et Chemises

*EXTRA BONUS LIGHTNING VIDEO WHICH EXPLAINS THE YANKEES SLOGAN

Seriously, just watch until 0:55.  Or skip to it.  I guarantee you won't regret it.

We're waiting, Miggy...

I think the only Tigers preseason ritual left is for Miguel Cabrera to get a DUI.  But seriously, is it just me, or does ESPN always think Max Scherzer is going to become the next big breakout star?

Max Scherzer Still Sucks

In which we ponder whether there could be a baseball equivalent of the XFL

Don't worry, guys--we'll have some real MLB videos in less than a month.

Sometimes college baseball is worth watching